I now believe in myself. Wanna know how?? It does happen...

I just noticed how pesimistic i am. I've always considered myself to be over-optimistic- and i am to a certain extend. I am actually so optimistic i never knew i could be pesimistic. I'm a pesimist when it comes to my self-esteem. Like yesterday i skipped class because i had a dentist appointment. I thought noone would notice i was missing, because i've only been in this course for 1 week, so i bet they wont notice if im there or not. But as it turns out, they did!! The first thing the people in my group said this morning (we did muscle lab this morning and got divided into random groups) was "you weren't here yesterday, were you?" Ok, so they did notice. And the professor is someone i used to know when i was little, but i haven't seen him for 13 years. He's the national hockey team's physiotherapist and he's been giving treatment to some real important ice hockey stars since the 90's. I knew him because i used to alpine ski when i was little, competing. His daughter did too, we're the same age. So i saw them every weekend during the season and i knew them back then. But i thought no way should he be able to recognize me now, it's been too long and i quit too early for him to even recognize my face now. But as it turns out he approached our group during the muscle lab and went "you used to alpine ski, didn't you?" He freakin recognized me !!!!!

So the bottom line is: Why the hell do i waste negative energy on myself by thinking i don't show, that people don't like me and that nobody recognizes me, when clearly they do. It's all in your mind and you create your own destiny by thinking. Because what you think about yourself will affect the way you speak. Your speech will become your actions and your actions might ultimately turn into your fate. That's how i got bulimic. By the help of society as well, with its high standard ideal, that sometimes has nothing to do with what you achieve and who you are, but what you look like. It's never your choice to become bulimic, you didn't go "ok, let's get bulimic". It's psycological, and it develops into eating disorders, after a long process. But BELIEVE IN YOURSELF !! That's not the first step to recovery, the first step is to realize youre sick. Next step is to get help and the step after that is to take action, which im doing right now, and i've gotten that far now that im starting to actually believe in myself and that im valuable. Especially after the great confirmation i've got from others by just recognizing me when i thought they wouldn't. Sometimes society can be the reason to your illness, but it can also become a support for your recovery: which it has for me today.