Ok, so I'm back home to work for the summer. I told you i don't get along well with my mother, but she's actually behaving well now. But i can't get over that she looks down on her own children that much, and she denies us our adulthood, our knowledge and she steps on us to make us feel inferior to her. For that I've lost a bit of respect for her. It's been 2 days now and we're ok, we don't talk about it and we speak as adults, but i just can't get over it, because everytime i tell her something and even if it seems as if she's listening i keep thinking she's probably not taking me seriously.
Enough of that now, luckliy i don't live with her for most of the year and we've told her what we think about her treatment of the 5-year-old. I know my mom can sometimes appear as if she doesn't wanna listen but i think she actually might sometimes. So hopefully that's gonna be ok.
About my recovery. I'm so not recovered, i still need to work on myself and on my eating disorder. But im doing way better now, because i have a strict schedule and i can't eat other then when im off during breakfast, lunch and dinner, and after i quit work i go outside to practice sports. So I actually eat more regularly, i mind what i eat and i make sure i exercise in the evening even if i run around a whole lot at work. So my kcal burn is prolly pretty high, because i've noticed i've lost 4 pounds in only one week doing what i do now !! I've only binged eated twice (first time i ate ex-lax afterwards and second time- this morning, i threw up) and i know that i exercise a little too hard, and mainly because i wanna burn what i eat, so i know im not recovered yet, not by far !! But i think i've come a long way, im concious about what i do and what i eat, what i eat and when. I make sure i keep myself busy doing something so that i don't have to think about food: wether it's doing sports or reading a book. There are so many things you can do to change your ways, I thank Sarah because she's the one that makes me realize all these things !! I love having here by my side, she's so experienced, she knows what i'm going through, she likes working with what she does and it really shows :)
Still not happy about my arms though... im so having surgery !!
Im off to bed. I'm soooo tired !! Worked 13.5 hours today, went out, brought the dog, climbed the hill through the forest (the dog loved it), ran down and ran a bit more, and now i've studied my sport's med course that im taking for the summer and that i wanna make. So i see you later !!
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